Why You Should Smile. :)

The Importance of Smiling 

In a past leadership development session at Franklin University, we watched this video by Ron Gutman on the Hidden Power of Smiling. Gutman pulls together a lot of ideas and research related to smiling, and it looks like there are many benefits. Try not to smile while watching...

In my experience, people who (a) smile and (b) bring a smile to your face are much more successful that those who do not. The following posts illuminate some of my observations about good and bad ways to interact with others... Keep smiling!

Related Posts

• How to Have a Happy Boss
• The Toxic Coworker
• Office Zombies

How to Have a Happy Boss

Updated May 2, 2016
Your supervisor can make your life great or make it terrible. I have had bosses that have inspired me and bossed that have stamped out my creativity, drive, and happiness. I've realized that I have significant power over how my boss perceives and supports me in my work. In this post, I will share strategies for having a helping your supervisor be a happy boss so that you can move forward in you work and career more effectively.

What to Assume About Your Boss
Before we get into the strategies for helping your manager be a happy boss, you must assume the following: Your boss is likely very busy. Your boss wants you to succeed. Your boss will give you benefits and opportunities if you do excellent work. If you observe that this is not true, then you may be in a toxic situation (see my posts about toxic coworkers and office zombies). If so, and these strategies are not effective, you may need to move on to a healthier work environment and begin applying the strategies below immediately.

Managing Your Boss Through Action
What do you want your boss and coworkers to think about you? Hard working? Team player? Problem solver? Positive? Good communicator? Ultimately, you really need to BE the kind of employee that gets respect, support, and earns rewards and opportunities. To do this, you must be willing to apply the strategies below to your work.

Here are the strategies:

1. Take responsibility for your work! The most fundamental you can do is do a great job at your work. Meet deadlines, work hard, and do everything you can to achieve your boss's expectations and the goals you set for yourself.
2. Build positive relationships! Positive relationships are pleasant and productive. Build these relationships with everyone you work with.  
3. Don't cause unnecessary problems! Avoid creating extra work for your boss. If there is a problem that needs to be brought to your boss's attention, share the problem and offer to solve the problem. This will go a long way to move your relationship forward.
4. Pay attention! What bugs your boss? What does she like? Figure out how to avoid irritating your boss.
5. Make your boss's life easier! Do everything you can to assist them in their work. Remember, your boss is likely overworked, so anything you can do to ease her burden will be welcomed.
6. Succeed! If you succeed, your boss succeeds. Do everything you can to help the organization achieve its goals, and your boss will be happy with you.  
7. Make your boss successful! Do what you can to move your boss and her organization forward. She will appreciate it and will think of you when greater opportunities come along.

If you would like to improve your relationship with your boss, start with number 1 and work down the list. You will be astonished by how things can change over time through consistent, positive effort.

What else would you add to the list? 

How to Stop Being a Jerk

I find that I spend a lot of time analyzing people. I just can't help it - I am a scholar and a researcher, and it spills over into how I observe the people around me. For some reason, I am fascinated by the behaviors of the absolute jerks of the world. You know who these people are - they can be rude, unpleasant, demeaning, and arrogant. (You can read my analysis of one category of jerks in my post about Toxic Coworkers).  Here is one definition of a jerk:

\ˈjərk\ - an unlikable person; especially : one who is cruel, rude, or small-minded

What is amazing about so many of these jerks is that they usually do not realize that often their own jerky behavior actually limits their ability to succeed. It is true that an individual might find some short-term success through the use of manipulative, toxic actions; however, over the long-term, that individual will reap the negative results of their negative actions. Here are some of my own observations of toxic (jerky) behaviors with the corollary healthy behaviors in a work environment:

Toxic and Healthy Behaviors

Toxic Behaviors (in coworkers)	Healthy Behaviors
Constantly critique others Complain daily about work situations Gossip about and slander other coworkers Find fault with everything others do Constantly angry, use foul language Lie about others	Share constructive, formative feedback. Focus attention and communications on what can proactively be accomplished Speak positively of others (when deserved) Facilitate success in others Control anger and use professional language Speak truthfully and kindly of others

Character is the Foundation of Behavior
Somewhere beneath behaviors lies the character of the individual doing the actions. One must pause to consider what a jerk believes about themselves and others. What are their assumptions about life? How do they perceive their roles in life, in their families, and in the workplace? What do they believe will bring them happiness and success in life? What principles do they allow to guide their actions? Are they even aware of their own beliefs and assumptions about life? Perhaps being a jerk is simply a result of having very little self-awareness, an inability (or a lack of desire) to look honestly in the mirror and acknowledge what is found.
 

Unhealthy Character	Healthy Character
Appearance/possession-focused Selfish Gratification-focused Focused on short-term Careless attitude toward of resources Abusive toward others	Character-focused Giving, serving Self-restraint, delayed gratification Focused on long-term Respect and judicious use of resources Respect of and service to others

Change Character Through the Power of Beliefs
If character is the foundation upon which our actions are built, how might we build our character? To change our character, we must change our perceptions, or beliefs about the world and about others. I have found that beliefs that are (1) true and (2) empowering yield the greatest shifts in character and therefore action. Understanding and believing these principles provides a great deal of personal power. I've outlined a few below. Notice the sequential nature of these principles - each principle leads to the following principle.

Empowering, Healthy Beliefs:

1. My actions have results. This is often called the law of the harvest - whatever you sow, that is what you will reap. One verse of scripture reads "That which ye do send out shall return unto you again." This is true in every aspect of our lives, including our relationships with others, and understanding and believing this principle can provide a fundamental shift in how reality is perceived.
2. I have the power to choose my actions. Our "free will" or our ability to choose our behavior is like a muscle - we can exercise it to increase and control our capacity to choose our actions. We have the capacity to respond to our circumstances in ways that yield positive results. The famous quote states, "The problem is not the issue, the issues is how you deal with the problem." Unfortunately, this means that we cannot continually blame others for our actions.
3. I have the power to choose the direction of my life. We have the ability to clearly identify and articulate what we desire in our lives - what we want to know, do, become, or have. We can set a direction for our lives. This belief can be enacted through the process of goal setting, which I describe in this blog post.
4. I can move my life in the direction I desire through purposeful action. This is really a combination of the previous three beliefs. We have the ability to live a life of purpose, and it is by setting goals, selecting actions that will help reach those goals, and doing those actions that we move in a purposeful direction.
5. I have the ability to positively influence and benefit people around me. This belief is a natural extension of the previous four. I have found that working to positively influence and bless the people around me has brought me significant intrinsic awards. In addition, sending out positive energy and actions to others will inevitably yield a return of positive energy and actions. It is through healthy interactions with others that our success becomes most fulfilling.

Applying to Education

So, how does this relate to instructional design and education? I believe that people are infinitely more empowered when they learn principles of this nature. In education, we tend to focus our attention on surface-level learning - knowing facts, solving problems, gaining skills - and we ignore the foundation on which all human behavior resides: our beliefs and our character.

I also believe that true educators already embody many of these beliefs. They dedicate their lives to positively influencing others.

*     *     *

What reactions do you have? Do I oversimplify the issue? Do jerks just need to change what they believe about life to become less jerky? Your comments are welcome...

The Toxic Coworker

Updated May 9, 2016

Can you identify and deal with toxic coworkers?

Lately, I have been thinking about the Toxic Coworker. You probably work with others, and dealing with personalities of all types is absolutely critical to your success. But sometimes the people we work with can be extremely toxic. In this post, I will describe how to identify toxic coworkers, ...

My Past Experience with a Toxic Coworker
Let me start by sharing an experience I once had with a toxic coworker. (This is one of a couple of examples that stand out). This person was over a project that was interesting to me, so I added it to my regular workload. But as I worked with this person, I noticed several classic characteristics of a toxic coworker:

Classic Characteristics of the Toxic Coworker  

• Constantly critiques you and others
• Complains daily about work situations
• Gossips about and slanders other coworkers
• Finds fault with most everything you do
• Is regularly angry and uses foul language
  
• Tells lies to you and about you and others

Actions Bring Results
What is interesting is that even though toxic coworkers are often extremely intelligent and work on interesting projects, eventually most of those people working with them stop participating in their projects. It may seems obvious, but as a general rule, your words, attitudes, and actions always bring some kind of reaction. This is how it always works - if you do something, then something happens. These were the results of toxic behaviors:

• You don't feel good when you are around this person.
• You know the person is probably gossiping about you, so you do not trust that person.
• You feel like you are being controlled and belittled. You feel like the person does not respect your knowledge and skills.
• You are worried about presenting anything to this person because you don't want to expose yourself to unhealthy critique.
• You (and most other people) avoid talking to this person because you just don't want to hear the complaining.
• You feel this person is manipulative, so you don't trust the authenticity of the person.

What do People Want in a Work (or any) Relationship?
In any work, social or family relationship, I believe that most people generally want to have positive interactions that bring positive results. this doesn't mean that giving and receiving critical feedback does not happen- it can and must happen for positive results- it means that the critical feedback be delivered by someone who seems genuinely concerned about the success of the project and about the success of the individuas.

People generally want the following in their relationships with others:

• To be around people that like or respect them.
• To be around people that build them up, that help them learn and grow.
• To have positive, productive interactions with others.
• To have autonomy in their work and a sense of unity with others in their overall purpose.
• To be able to succeed.
• To trust and to be trusted.

If people don't have these things, they will eventually move on, even when the project or activity or relationship is interesting or important to them.

Avoid Toxicity
Sadly, toxic people have excellent knowledge, skills, and experience. They have a lot to offer, but instead of sharing knowledge and building others toward better things, they person belittle others, control the work, and squeeze out the life and potential enjoyment. If you work with someone like this, my advice is to avoid them at all costs. My experience is that you must preserve your own positive attitude, excitement, and self-respect. If you work for a toxic coworker, it might be worth moving on to something bigger and better.

You probably interact with others every day. And in those interactions, you have a great deal of power to foster positive, proactive, building relationships. You have the capacity to positively influence others and bring them along in your quest for excellence. But you must avoid the toxic attitudes and behaviors that kill healthy relationships. More importantly, we must be willing to contribute to and encourage the success and happiness of others.