7 Ways to Build Your Emotional Immunity

If you're like most people, there are probably times when life gets you feeling like this guy:

As you probably know, it's hard to accomplish anything productive in this state - everything can seem dark, negative, unpleasant, and toxic. Feeling this way easily spills over into your attitude about your work, family, friends, and social situations, which can cause some major problems if left unchecked. Hopefully these negative times are infrequent for you - I experience this kind of a dip in my emotions from time to time, and it can definitely hurt my productivity and relationships at home and work.

 The ideal, of course, is to feel like this guy:

In this state, you are more positive, energetic, bright, upbeat, and full of resilient energy. When you are in this state, you feel immune to the negativity in the world and are prepared to deal with the obstacles that you face in life. You are more effective and positive in everything you do. But sometimes these feelings can feel fleeting or random. So, how can you build emotional immunity and maintain your positive energy? 

Building Emotional Immunity

Just like your body's immune system that prevents and fights disease in the body, you can build an emotional immunity to the noxious negativity that is part of life. There are specific things that you can do to build this immunity and increase your personal sense of vitality, energy, and health in life. Certainly, things that happen to you can affect your emotional state, but since you can't really control these things, you might as well focus on the things that you can control.

Below are seven tried and true strategies for building a powerful emotional immunity. These habits are like vitamins that keep your mind, body, and spirit in good health. 

1 Eat Healthy Food.  What you eat has a profound impact on your well-being. Eat the foods that are nutrient-dense and avoid foods that deliver little or no value. Fruits and vegetables are powerful sources of nutrition. I find that I am most energized when I limit dairy, meat, and refined foods and focus on eating whole grains, fruits, legumes, and vegetables.

2 Exercise.  Exercise has a significant impact on your attitude and your ability to succeed at what you are doing. It boosts your energy level and helps you stay clear and focused. When I lift weights, walk, run and stretch, I have a greater sense of health and well-being and feel better about my day.

3 Sleep. Sleep 7 to 9 hours a night for optimal health. I have found that I need about 8 hours to be in a healthy, clear state of mind. When you have been working long hours or need to recuperate, sleep for 10 or more hours and you will find yourself significantly refreshed.

4 Prayer and Meditation. Prayer and meditation allow you to go inside and connect with the source of joy, peace, and life. I have found this to be a profoundly positive way to build my mental and emotional strength and immunity.

5 Inspirational Learning Read and listen to uplifting books and audio programs. These help program your mind with the positive and the pure and help you se the world from a positive lens. Listen to spiritual leaders who can provide you with perspective and messages of peace, hope and joy. I am constantly listening to motivating, inspiring authors and speakers as I commute to and from work.

6 Nurture Relationships. Nurture and enjoy positive relationships your family and friends. Serve and support the people around you. My beautiful wife is my best friend, and she provides me with a great deal of love, kindness and joy. Uninterrupted time with her is a great source of joy and rest for my mind and heart.

7 Hobbies. Be sure to take time to work on personal projects that give you a sense of purpose and enjoyment. I have many projects that I like to work on - blogging, writing, yard work, etc. If I don't work on these hobbies and projects, my sense of well-being decreases.

These are 7 ways to build your emotional immunity. I often use these to infuse my mind, body, and spirit with positive energy, and they bring me a sense of balance, joy, and purpose.

If you feel like you need a boost in your emotional state, try a couple of the strategies above. Give them time - try it out for 30 days, and soon you will find yourself in a healthier, more positive state with greater happiness and success in everything you do. Just like this guy.

The 2 Essential Steps of Time Management

I have read hundreds of books on the topic and have recently been studying time management. There are all kinds of systems out there for managing time, and many of them are good. But really what it all comes down to is two essential steps:

• Step 1: Identify the most important thing to work on.
• Step 2: Work on it until you have finished it.

Effective time managers do these steps and repeat them regularly. All other time management literature is useful if it helps you you accomplish these steps. So, what is the most important thing for you to be working on, right now?

You Must Become Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable!

One of the most important things you will ever do on your road to becoming a finisher is to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. In the recent past I set a goal to complete a half marathon and a full marathon. However, if you ever met me in person, you would probably NEVER think of me as a runner. I am short, stocky, and shaped like a large fleshy brick. My body is genetically designed to lift large things, not run distances, yet I met my goal and have finished both a half and a full marathon.  

Here I am finishing the Bear Lake half marathon. It was difficult to achieve this goal, but it was an exciting success. 

So, how did I do it? I became comfortable with being constantly uncomfortable. I trained, stretched, received physical therapy, massages, and chiropractic services all to the end of reaching my goal. It was painful and unpleasant at times - I spent hundreds of hours running along roads and trails over hills, and mountains. But along the way I began to enjoy the challenge of the training. It became invigorating and inspiring to see my progress, to improve my health, and to move forward with great success.

Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable!

Just like training to run a marathon, your path to becoming a finisher will likely be uncomfortable. Working toward new goals and dreams is difficult and uncomfortable because it takes you out of your routine. It places strain on your mind and body that you did not previously have, and this can be painful. However, over time your body and mind will become stronger and your ability to succeed becomes more natural. Remember:

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Satisfaction in the Struggle

You will learn to find satisfaction in the struggle. Working toward a goal is often as satisfying as reaching the goal. Training to run a race can be as exhilarating and beautiful as running the race. Studying to pass a class or earn a degree can be as satisfying as earning the degree. To build muscle, you must endure the pain of training. Consciously and consistently placing yourself on the path to success is success itself, so learn to love the process and path of success.

Make Friends with Discomfort

If you want to change and improve your life, you will have to become friends with the pain of learning, action, and setbacks. In time you will learn to enjoy these difficulties as personal challenges and will welcome them as a way to improve yourself.

A Challenge: Do Something Difficult

What have you been avoiding but know you need to do? What one difficult thing could you do right now to significantly increase your success? make a goal to do that task today or soon, and do it! Success breeds success, so set out to do something difficult and worthwhile.

Research Finds Correlation Between Depression and Time in Meetings

Recent research (Gardner, 2015)* has found a strong correlation between depression and time in meetings. I have found through this research that this correlation is causal - the length of time in meetings directly influences and increases levels of depression while simultaneously decreasing happiness levels. The reverse is not necessarily true - increased depression does not necessarily increase the length of the meeting, though it will likely increase the perceived length of the meeting. See Figure 1 below.

Figure 1: Increases in meeting length have been shown to decrease happiness levels.

I will likely continue to conduct this experiential research, unfortunately.

References and Notes
Gardner, J. (2015). My experiential/observational meeting research.*

* Note that this is really just based on my own experiences and is not an actual research article. However, it is based on several thousands of hours of meetings and is rather conclusive.

How to Create Personal Change

Change

We all want to change ourselves and our lives, but change can be very difficult. How can we gain the motivation and drive necessary to sustain lasting change? Based on my readings and experiences, I've put together a set of activities that will drive powerful change in your life. These activities will take you around 90 minutes to complete, and you will be astounded by the empowering long-term benefits of this investment of your time.


Steps for Creating Personal Change
Here are the major steps for creating personal change are. I will explain how to accomplish each of these steps throughout the rest of this blog post.

1. Build clarity and motivation

2. Neutralize Negative Beliefs
3. Envision and Plan for Change
4. Create Change

The Power of Questions
One of the most powerful ways to motivate yourself to a change is to ask yourself empowering questions. The kinds of questions we ask shift our focus in fundamental ways, and the right questions can funnel us toward power and strength. Based on my experience, the activities below can be used to build powerful motivation and drive for change.


Build Clarity and Motivation to Change
On a sheet of paper, write down the following questions. For each question, write at least 15 responses. Make sure you write about the things that are really important to you. Stay focused and maintain a positive mental state as you write your responses. I have found that a clean, quiet room free from distractions allows me the time and space I need to really focus on what I am doing. Here are the questions:

• What important changes do I really want to make in my life? (After listing out the 15 or more responses, carefully select the one that is most important to you at this time). 
• How will I know that I have made the change? 
• If I do not make this change, what will be the negative, unpleasant, or disastrous consequences?
• Why do I really want to make this change? Put another way, what positive, inspiring, good things will happen as a result of me making this change?
• What successes have I had in the past that demonstrate my ability to achieve this success now?

If you take these questions seriously and write at least 15 responses for each question, you will already begin to feel a sense of motivation toward the change you wish to make. You will begin to draw upon the power of your mind and the strength of your past to build an empowered future of positive change. Your next step toward change will be to identify and neutralize the negative beliefs that may have stopped you in the past.

Neutralize Negative Beliefs
What we believe about ourselves has a deep impact on our behavior and habits. Our habits are a direct result of our beliefs about ourselves and the world. On a new sheet of paper, answer the following questions to identify and negate unhealthy, limiting, disempowering beliefs:

• What do I believe about myself that has stopped me from making this change in the past?
• What do others believe or say about me that makes me feel like I cannot make this change?
• How are these beliefs untrue? (For every one of the beliefs identified above, write at least 2-3 reasons why those beliefs are untrue).

If you take these exercises seriously, your sense of empowerment, strength, and positive energy will begin to skyrocket. You will feel a sense of personal power welling up within you. You are then ready to chart your course for making the change. 

Envision and Plan for Change

You are now ready to plan and execute your change. On a new sheet of paper, answer the following question. For this assignment, you must write at least 20 responses to each question. You will find that the last few are very difficult, but they are very often the most useful ideas you come up with.

• What actions should I take to make this change in my life?
• Who could I rely on to help me achieve this goal and make this change?
• What obstacles or pitfalls can I expect to undermine my success? How can I overcome them?
• What steps should I plan to take (a) today, (b), this week, (c) this month, and (d) in the next 3 months to make this change? 

How to Have a Happy Boss

Updated May 2, 2016
Your supervisor can make your life great or make it terrible. I have had bosses that have inspired me and bossed that have stamped out my creativity, drive, and happiness. I've realized that I have significant power over how my boss perceives and supports me in my work. In this post, I will share strategies for having a helping your supervisor be a happy boss so that you can move forward in you work and career more effectively.

What to Assume About Your Boss
Before we get into the strategies for helping your manager be a happy boss, you must assume the following: Your boss is likely very busy. Your boss wants you to succeed. Your boss will give you benefits and opportunities if you do excellent work. If you observe that this is not true, then you may be in a toxic situation (see my posts about toxic coworkers and office zombies). If so, and these strategies are not effective, you may need to move on to a healthier work environment and begin applying the strategies below immediately.

Managing Your Boss Through Action
What do you want your boss and coworkers to think about you? Hard working? Team player? Problem solver? Positive? Good communicator? Ultimately, you really need to BE the kind of employee that gets respect, support, and earns rewards and opportunities. To do this, you must be willing to apply the strategies below to your work.

Here are the strategies:

1. Take responsibility for your work! The most fundamental you can do is do a great job at your work. Meet deadlines, work hard, and do everything you can to achieve your boss's expectations and the goals you set for yourself.
2. Build positive relationships! Positive relationships are pleasant and productive. Build these relationships with everyone you work with.  
3. Don't cause unnecessary problems! Avoid creating extra work for your boss. If there is a problem that needs to be brought to your boss's attention, share the problem and offer to solve the problem. This will go a long way to move your relationship forward.
4. Pay attention! What bugs your boss? What does she like? Figure out how to avoid irritating your boss.
5. Make your boss's life easier! Do everything you can to assist them in their work. Remember, your boss is likely overworked, so anything you can do to ease her burden will be welcomed.
6. Succeed! If you succeed, your boss succeeds. Do everything you can to help the organization achieve its goals, and your boss will be happy with you.  
7. Make your boss successful! Do what you can to move your boss and her organization forward. She will appreciate it and will think of you when greater opportunities come along.

If you would like to improve your relationship with your boss, start with number 1 and work down the list. You will be astonished by how things can change over time through consistent, positive effort.

What else would you add to the list? 

(A Parenthetical Statement on Following Your Passion)

(By the way, although following your passion is vital to happiness, success, and fulfillment in life, there will always be things that you have to do that you are not passionate about. For example, I am passionate about learning and teaching, and I am fortunate to be able to work in higher education as a faculty member. However, even in my current dream job I find that I still have to do many things that I don’t want to do. These usually have two characteristics: (a) I am not passionate about doing them, and (b) they are really just a hoop to jump through and have no actual meaning or substantive contribution in improving the world and the people in it. My approach for these kinds of things as follows: just get it DONE. Do an adequate job, one that meets the needs and requirements, but nothing more. Save your passion, excitement, energy, and willpower for the things that are truly important in life. I have found that when the result of this work is reviewed by the individual requesting it, almost 100% of the time it is adequate. In this manner, I avoid the irritation of having to waste my energy, attention, and focus on something I don't care about, I avoid going beyond what was expected, and I have a lot more time to do the things that I care about and that can have a positive impact on others. Okay, this is a long parenthetical statement. The point is this: when you have to do something stupid that you don’t care about, get it done, and get on with what you are passionate about. Okay, back to work.)

Leadership Development: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

This post is part of a series on leadership development.

I am currently participating in a Leadership Development Program (LDP) as part of my work at Franklin University. As part of this program, I attended a presentation by Dr. Karen Miner-Romanoff, the Dean of the College of Health and Public Administration at Franklin.

Karen Miner-Romanoff teaching 7 Habits of Highly Effective People at Franklin's Leadership Development Program.

Dr. Miner-Romanoff's presentation was focused on Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of highly effective people, a set of principles for achieving balance and success in life. One thing I thought was particularly cool about her approach was that she reviewed the essays written by people in the LDP Leadership attributes from our essays - she used our quotes throughout the presentation.

I have read the book and listened to many presentations of these habits over the years and have been very impressed with their depth and quality. I've found that nearly every quality self-help or success work eventually emphasizes one or more of these habits. I usually think of these as simply tools for personal success, but when they are analyzed they truly are tools for leadership. 

I'll flesh out my notes taken during the presentation and will give some reflective thoughts as I go. My own thoughts and ideas will likely intermingle with those presented in the meeting.

Habit 1: Be Proactive

To be proactive is to take responsibility for your actions, to choose to respond to situations positively. 

You have a great deal of control in your life, and you are proactive when you focus your energy on the things you can control. As you develop awareness of where to focus your energy, you increase your personal power to achieve success and happiness in life. You have the capacity to choose happiness, courage, joy, and success. You have the capacity to choose life, health, and contentment.

Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind

To begin with the end in mind means to look forward to the end of your life and identify exactly what you would like to accomplish in your life. Ask yourself the following questions: What do I want to be? Where do I want to go? What do I want my relationship to look like with my family? With my church and community? With my employer and coworkers? When I die, what do I want people to say about me at my funeral? 

As Karen presented, I wrote that I would like people to believe the following about me when the describe who I am at the end of my life: "He loved everyone. He was kind and gave everything he had to others. He worked to make people's lives better. He was a good daddy, a kind husband, an honest worker. He loved God and served Him with all his heart."

Habit 3: Put First Things First

When you put first things first, you spend your time and energy on the things that will help you reach the outcomes you desire in life. You actively choose to engage in productive tasks, and you choose not to engage in tasks that do not achieve your goals. You must prioritize and focus on one task at a time, the most important task for the day and the moment.

For me, I use the following method for prioritizing my time at work:

1. At my work desk, I post my performance goals for as agreed upon by me and my supervisor. I refer to these as I plan my day, my week, and my month.
2. I open a Word document and create a list of the priority actions to accomplish that day. I do my best to ensure these actions will help me accomplish the goals I committed to. 
3. I prioritize this list and have the most important priority on the top of the list, and I do everything I can to focus all my attention on the top task until it is finished. This can be very difficult, but I have found that it keeps me focused on accomplishment.

I also put first things first by setting aside time for each of my areas of responsibility on my calendar. In a typical workday, I have about 30 minutes set aside for exercise, 30 for reading, 9 hours for work, 1 hour for commuting, and 4 hours for family. I also set aside Saturdays for family and housework and Sundays for service in my church.

Habits 1-3 can be seen as personal habits, those which deal directly with the individual and how he or she lives life. Habits 4-6 can be seen as interpersonal habits, which focus on how we interact with and relate to the people around us.

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

When you think win/win, you enter your discussions with others assuming that all parties involved can achieve success. This approach can be difficult for some people - some have an "I must win" attitude, and others have a "I always lose" attitude. Which are you? Do you go for the win? Do you assume you will lose? Or do you think that having everyone come out winning is an option?

The win/win approach enables collaboration and creativity between parties. If everyone assumes the same goal and receives benefit from working toward the goal together, it is more likely to be achieved.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

When you seek to first understand another's perspective and needs, you do your best to find out what it is that that person would like to happen in a given situation. This requires active listening, asking good questions and verifying that you fully understand the other individual. It requires that you actually care about the person and want to understand them and their needs. It requires a lot of empathy and takes a great deal of energy to accomplish. However, the long-term success of your work will be much more powerful if you take this approach.

You also need to be able to communicate your ideas clearly and effectively so that the other individual can easily understand your position. This requires clarity of thought and patience in explaining your position.

Habit 6: Synergize 

When you synergize, you are using the strengths of all parties to create the most powerful, effective strategy possible. Synergy implies that working together effectively actually produces more than could be produced separately. Part of this is recognition of  the foundations built by others which provide you with the opportunities and blessings you enjoy.  

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

When you sharpen the saw, you are renewing and improving yourself. This can be done through exercise, sleep, good nutrition, prayer, meditation, scripture study, and professional development. You are, essentially, making yourself the most useful instrument possible so that you can accomplish your purposes more effectively. This requires a commitment to development, personal growth, and self-improvement. The great quote from one of the student essays is "When you are through changing, you're through!" You must become a lifelong learner.

If you want to achieve your personal goals, you've got to do what it takes to prepare yourself to succeed. You are the resource through which you engage in your life.

Self-Evaluation
I've evaluated myself on each of these habits below.

Habit	Self-rating   (1 is poor, 5 is excellent)	Notes and Commitments
Habit 1: Be Proactive	4	I have worked hard to develop my ability to take responsibility for my life. I still struggle in some areas, and I will continue to improve by eliminating blaming from my thought pattern.
Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind	5	I am extremely goal-oriented and am constantly thinking about the future and the outcomes I desire. I will review some of my life goals again and will revisit my personal mission statement to see how I am doing on meeting my goals
Habit 3: Put First Things First	3	I do alright with this habit. I do very well in my work to accomplish my goals, but I could spend more time thinking about and doing things for my family. I will make a goal to do something more for my wife every week.
Habit 4: Think Win/Win	4	I feel like this comes naturally to me. I have a continuous desire to help other people succeed in their goals. I am constantly looking for a way to help them succeed. When I facilitate meetings, I do my best to capture the perspectives of others and synthesize them into a way to move forward. I believe I could do better at this habit in my communications with my family members and commit to thinking in this manner more at home.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood	3	I try hard to listen to the perspective of others and I think I have gotten pretty good at it. Still, I find myself becoming impatient, at times. I will increase my focus on understanding by using active questions more effectively.
Habit 6: Synergize	3	I do what I can do synergize, but I worry that I sometimes miss opportunities because I am too focused on my own work and on accomplishing my goals. I will improve by spending time with others more at work and will go out to lunch with a coworker at least 1x a week.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw	4	I spend a lot of my time developing myself through reading, exercise, and prayer. However, I tend to neglect the importance of simply relaxing and having down time. I will improve by relaxing more and by spending more down time with my family. I will also spend time in nature at least 1x a month.

Thanks to Dr. Karen Miner-Romanoff for her thought-provoking presentation. I appreciate the refresher on these habits and hope to apply them more fully in my own life.

7 Ways to Totally Screw Up Your Career

Over the past several years, I have interacted with a lot of professionals in a variety of settings and circumstances. And one thing I have noticed is that there are several key ways that a person can totally screw up their career. I must admit that I have not avoided making some of these mistakes, and I thought it worth sharing the top 7 Ways to Totally Screw Up Your Career.

1. Go Where the Wind Takes You - To screw up your career, be sure to have no goals. Allow people and circumstances to direct you and your life.  
2. Get Distracted - To really mess things up, pay attention to and spend time on what doesn't really matter to you. 
3. Give Up Quickly - Make sure that you do not try hard. If you meet any initial resistance, just fold under the pressure. It's not worth trying!  
4. Be Negative - If you really want to fail, be extra negative. This negative energy will disrupt your happiness, your relationships, and your ability to succeed. 
5. Gossip - If you want to work in a horrible environment, speak poorly about everyone around you. This will undermine trust and eliminate opportunities for growth.   
6. Stop Learning - To stunt your growth, be sure that you don't learn anything new. Hold tightly to your current limited perspective and close your mind to new ideas. 
7. Jump to Conclusions - Don't gather information, think, or reflect about your actions. Just react and jump to conclusions quickly so that you don't have to feel uncomfortable.

7 Ways to Increase Your Career Success
Of course, the opposite of these are the 7 ways to increase your career success. I've placed these below. In my experience, there is a constant battle between these two sides. We all know that living with purpose and being positive are good attributes, but there seems to be a constant pull toward the negative opposite. If we truly wish to enjoy success, we must be willing to work toward and build upon our own positive attributes.

To Screw Up Your Career	To Improve your Career Success
1. Go Where the Wind Takes You.	1. Live with Purpose! Find and live your own mission and purpose in life.
2. Get Distracted.	2. Focus on Fulfilling Your Purpose! Focus your thoughts, actions, and intentions on fulfilling your purpose.
3. Give Up Quickly.	3. Keep Moving Forward! No matter the obstacle, just keep moving toward your goal and you will reach it.
4. Be Negative.	4. Be Positive! Fill your mind with the positive and expect good results in your life. Have hope that good will come!
5. Gossip.	5. Respect Others! In every career, relationships are key. Be sure to show respect and kindness to everyone.
6. Stop Learning.	6. Always Learn!  In the knowledge society, you must continually grow and learn to compete and remain effective.
7. Jump to Conclusions.	7. Think with Data! Gather data on how to act, think critically and move forward on the best possible path.

Other Ways to Screw a Career Up
I would be interested in reading other ideas of how to screw up a career. These are based on my own limited experience working with others, and I am certain there are plenty of other ways to screw up...

Previous Post: How to Achieve Success and Happiness in Life